


The 6 Deadly Terms

by deltachye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Collaboration, One Shot Collection, Other, Reader-Insert, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-16 15:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8107981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye
Summary: [reader x various] [collaboration with Dulcet]6 terms used by women that men should be wary of. Most men, however, are too stupid or arrogant to know when to quit while they're ahead. [response to SugarLandBabyGirl’s challenge “Five Deadly Terms”]





	

* * *

 

“Fine.”

Tooru pursed his lips at you. His hazel eyes narrowed with dubiety and he leant towards you slowly. You leered away from his advances and scowled at the train doors on your right, refusing to meet his gaze.

“You’re obviously not,” he declared. “You’re a liar, that’s what you are.”

“No, I’m not. I’m fine. This argument’s over! You’re _totally_ right, and I’m always wrong, isn’t that it? Fine. No, no, you’re right.”

The pettiness dripping from each syllable seemed to actually impress him some. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him make another suspicious face, his nose crinkling.

“I have a feeling that you don’t think this is over.”

You turned to him while blinking coquettishly and smiled as sweetly as you could possibly manage.

“Oh, no. It’s _fine_.”

“Are you looking for an apology? What would you even want me to apologize for?” He scowled, a tendon in his jaw tight. It only did that when he got _really_ annoyed, but you sucked your teeth, not about to back down from this.

“Oh, so _now_ you’re willing to apologize for the _trash_ that you had the audacity to say to me?”

“Of course not!” he snapped, “I don’t have anything I need to apologize for!”

You sucked in a sharp breath. “Are you kidding me, Oikawa? _Nothing_?”

“Nothing at all,” he stated defiantly, his glare burning through you. You stared right back.

“Will you two shut _up_?” Iwaizumi groaned from in between the both of you, pulling one of his earbuds out. The music that he had been blasting, presumably to drown your voices out, was clearly audible and you distantly worried for Iwaizumi’s ears.

“I’m not going to apologize for your stupidity,” Tooru continued hastily over Iwaizumi’s complaint, his voice having gone down an octave, “and I’m not sorry that you’re absolutely wrong, and dumb enough not to admit that I’m right.”

“Oh? Oh! So I’m _dumb_ now, too? I could say the same to you! Move out of the way Hajime, I’ve gotta punch some sense into him—”

“What are you even arguing about?!” the dark-haired boy yelped, hurriedly pushing your fists away so that you didn’t clock the prized Aoba Johsai setter in his pretty face. Iwaizumi shoved you back into your seat. Tooru stuck his tongue out at you, making you seethe, uncaring about the many onlookers. Iwaizumi turned his gaze to you and then Oikawa, genuine concern written on his features. “You guys have been dating for what, six years? What the hell are you so riled up about?”

“Charmander is the best starter pokemon!” you spat, wrestling a losing battle against Iwaizumi to try and land a blow on Tooru.

“See?!” Tooru gasped, pointing at you accusatorily, “you’ve obviously been dropped as a child. The best starter was Squirtle!”

“ _Squirtle_!” you mocked, immediately pulling a disgusted face. “A _water_ type? Get out.”

“You win the game faster with Squirtle,” he pressed, leaning over Iwaizumi so that his words had the full effect. “Charmander is no good!”

“Pokemon isn’t about winning, it’s about the _experience_! The experience! Blastoise is a turtle with a water gun. What’s cool about that?! Nothing!”

“Charizard is a big orange dragon. There’s no originality! There’s been dragons around for ages! Blastoise is a—”

“Charizard breathes fire! And are you trying to tell me that dragons aren’t cool?! Boy, if I needed another reason to hit you—”

“Fire?!” Tooru scoffed peevishly, cutting you off. “Blastoise could probably sneeze and manage to blow out a Charizard’s flame.”

“Shut _up!_ ” Iwaizumi yelled, taking both of your shirt collars and tugging as hard as he could. You choked, gasping for air and clawing at his arm. Even the impeccable Tooru made a less-than-attractive grunt, his face reddening steadily.

“And here I thought you were arguing about your relationship, or something _normal_ ,” Iwaizumi muttered, letting go of you both as if repulsed. “Shut up, sit down, and be _quiet_ until you get home, would you? We’re in a public place for God’s sake.” He glared at the both of you sternly. “Got it?”

“Fine,” you snarled, turning away from Tooru aggressively and loosening your uniform’s necktie. Tooru mimicked the action, showing his back to you.

“Fine.”

Satisfied, Iwaizumi stuck his earbuds back in. “Besides, I chose Bulbasaur.”

“B-Bulbasaur!? What were you thinking! Do you have _eyes_ , Hajime? Can you _see_?”

“Bulbasaur is the worst one you could choose! There’s no aesthetic with a… green leaf _thing_. I’m disappointed in you, Iwa-chan…”

“Honestly, a poison-grass type…?”

“But a Bulbasaur might be better than a Charmander.”

“Okay, one: how dare you. Two: listen the hell here—!”

Iwaizumi breathed in deeply and promised himself that he would not jump off of this train. Not today. The volume was maxed out and he closed his eyes, trying to drown out both the continued bickering and the looks of the amused passersby.

**Author's Note:**

> Elsewhere: https://goo.gl/JNvmhY


End file.
